Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Randomize
