If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
