"it" just moved
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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