You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
