In the future we'll all be gay
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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