I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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