Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
