guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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