i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
why do cheetos always look like penises
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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