If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
