It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
