Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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