And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
