We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
