Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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