wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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