Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize