We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
