He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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