fuck your aforementioned shoe
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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