Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
