you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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