If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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