Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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