Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
