Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
