He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
