Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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