I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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