I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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