why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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