he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
