That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
