The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my liver is dry heaving
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
