im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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