Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
