Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
