Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
