you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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