i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
