i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
