so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
