How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
