I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
