are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
