i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
