i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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