Nicole vs. Life
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
