I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
