theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
