On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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