My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
