I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
