this boner is exhausting
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
