matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
