If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize