he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
