I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
