Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
