How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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