you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
