we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
