just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
