wakey wakey hands off snakey
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
