I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
