Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
