I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
