I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
