best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
