The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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