I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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