A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
