Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
