Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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