listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I wish you could order shots online.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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