what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My pussy is not your playground.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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