I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
you never un-have a 4some
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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