Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
