I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
