Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize