Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
