i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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