You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
