A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
