THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
