Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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