hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
