Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
