Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
