I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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