i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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