You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
