It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
