I want to make a zoo with you.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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