Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
