Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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