I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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