Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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