ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
