Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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