You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize