It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
