Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
