i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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