so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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