Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
