I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
