I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize