There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
